There's a Vampire in my Bathroom
by DuoPhreaks
Summary: A young writer in need of inspiration has a new muse dropped into her lap. KainOC and i guess AU too. this is more of a lazy Fan Fic so read it for the laughs and most likely sex in some later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

(Disclaimer: I claim no right to owning any of the "Legacy of Kain" characters. They belong to Eidos. However, I will be claiming rights to all of the original characters included in this fan fiction.)

(This one's for Kate. Hope you like it. Party on Dude.)

She was watching Secret Window again. In her lap sat her feline companion, her only protection against burglars that could possibly break into her apartment. Not that she had done much the last time save for bite his ankle and give her a couple seconds to ring the police and catch the bastard. As for the other times she had lost some jewelry or some cheap trinket they would no doubt take to a pawnshop later.

Her fingers dug into the fur that was beneath Sephy's chin. Named after one of her favorite villains because of almost silver fur that grew in a large patch beginning like a stripe at her nose and stopping in almost wing like shapes on her little shoulder blades. The rest of her fur was an odd, random mixture of browns and blacks.

She was a writer. She used to have the gift of articulating words that could make the pages come alive and the world around you a faint memory. But that was gone now. She hadn't published a book in nearly three years and although she continued making money off of her previous series, she needed a new idea. Perhaps her muse was dead or she had over worked her brain. All she needed was a bit of inspiration that would keep the checks coming in and get her career back in action.

Absently, she picked another Dorito from the bag while she stared at the TV screen in the dark on her sofa, which had been well worn in. The middle cushion had even sunk down in the middle where her ass had been sitting for the past few weeks.

'Maybe I should shower,' she thought while tugging on a wavy lock of her oily hair. It came to her shoulders in a deep shade somewhere between auburn and chestnut.

As the movie progressed Mort entered his bathroom to kill the mirror and then the shower door, at the same time she could hear a loud crash in her own bathroom. The sound made her nearly jump out of her skin. It had sounded as though some one had fired a shotgun in her bathroom. Thinking this was another burglar she grabbed the phone and a metal baseball bat she had kept underneath the couch. She began dialing ahead to the police as she went to the other side of the room and began to open the door.

"911 emergency how may I help you?" asked a monotone voice on the other line.

"A burglar just broke into my apartment." She wasn't afraid. No, instead she dealt with this like it was a normal routine a common insect to be dealt with.

She gingerly opened the door to find the contents of her medicine cabinet along with the broken mirror on the floor.

"What is your address?" said the woman on the other line.

The shower curtain had been torn down half way and a body lay in the middle of it all. Judging by its coloring and that it didn't appear to be breathing and calmed down.

"Miss?"

"Never mind," she replied to the woman who had sounded as though she were beginning to worry, "he's dead."

She hung up the phone and sat it on the back of the toilet. The man caught in all the clutter was on his side. Partially wedged between the bathtub and the toilet a large mass of stark white hair covered his face. Taking hold of one wrist, she tugged him from his place so that he was closer to the middle of the floor and was leaning against the bathtub. She grabbed some of his hair and pulled his head back gasping at the sight of him.

He looked like something out of one of her dark fairytales, a being of ethereal beauty with sharp teeth hidden behind black lips. His features were sharp and he looked to be in pain or concentration judging by how his brows knit together. His hair looked to reach beyond his shoulder blades in long sheets of white silk.

She allowed for her eyes to fall lower to broad shoulders covered with a durable black leather armor held on by belts drawn across his chest. His torso seemed to be very long and the packing of muscles in his stomach looked to be well used. On his left arm a red sleeve reached to his bicep worn beneath the armor over his entire forearm and the back of his palm. On his right arm another sleeve, this one black reached up to the other bicep this worn beneath the armor on his other arm. His long legs were clad in leather pants that dipped dangerously low in the front but were higher around his hips. He wore heavy looking boots that reached up to his knees.

"Sephy, there's a vampire in my bathroom."

The cat purred while rubbing up against her legs. She looked at the body for a long while before she began to drag him out into the living room. After half an hour of pulling and dragging she was back on the couch with the vampires head in her lap and her cat sleeping upon his flat stomach. Twisting a piece of his pale hair between her fingers, she smiled.

"I'm Lilly," she said to the body. "I'll take good care of you my pet. I'll feed you my landlord, the neighbor's bratty kids and the neighbors who have sex too loud. Would you like that pet?" she was now stroking the smooth skin covering his pectoral muscle. His head fell to one side.

"I knew you would."


	2. Chapter 2

(What's up readers? How's it goin'?)

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Lily was up feeding Sephiroth some tuna from a can and adding crushed crackers in the mixture. The vampire whom she had taken, as her new pet, hadn't moved in the last week, but also had not begun to fester. She placed Sephiroth's food into an old Tupper wear container then set it on the floor for the tiny beast.

She retired to the living room couch lifting up the vampire's head and beginning to comb his hair w/ the alligator clip that had previously held back her cherry locks. One hand held his pointed jaw where as the other combed through the ivory strands. Another hour of this and she tied her hair up once more, her delicate fingers tracing his wonderfully carved face; she found his intensity attractive. She traced her pinky nail along his lower lip arching a brow of curiosity. What she had though was lipstick turned out to be the natural coloring of his lips. She pulled back the skin of his mouth looking at his incisors; his gums and tongue were stained crimson.

With a sudden grin she opened and closed his jaw; operating him like a large puppet.

"Aren't I pretty Lily?" She would say, her voice like a chipmunk, not that anything that big could sound that high an octave.

"I could be your Black Knight Lily! Your Angel of Death Lily!" She giggled.

"Oh, would you really?" she spoke normally, responding her 'pet's' pleas for her love.

"Yes! Lily! We have only to seal our vows of eternal love with a kiss!"

"I don't know… your fangies might get in the way…" She tugged back his lips, looking at his mouth again, her ventriloquism on hold. She liked his mouth, how his lips weren't thin but not completely full. Just plump enough for her to take notice and be fond of them.

Seconds turned to minutes as she examined every aspect of his face, then lowering herself enough to press a kiss to his lips upside-down like she had seen in a movie once before. He tasted of blood and lightly sucked upon his lower lip before leaning back and beginning to watch TV. She stroked his bare shoulders fondly, having removed his armor some time ago, but she left the sleeves on. She thought they looked sexy against his pale skin. She even told him so. In fact she spoke to him although she knew he couldn't hear. Told him little things commented on movies and TV shows. The best friend she had ever had, he was the only one that listened.

At the end of watching "A walk to Remember" she smiled, then leaned back down to her pet, kissing his lips, even going as far as lifting his head slightly and letting her tongue skim over his, pleasantly surprised to find the soft muscle to be warm. When she pulled back smiling, she looked back into his face and jumped back, gasping then struggling and writhing to get off the couch then finally falling over the arm.

His eyes were open.

Her heart raced, beating like a drum in her ears as she waited for the vampire to rise.

Nothing happened.

After waiting in suspense for what seemed like hours she edged towards the couch, peering over the arm and looking at him. He lay still, not breathing or blinking. She carefully took her seat on the couch again leaning over to see that his eyes had only opened half way; perhaps the lids had drawn back when she had lifted his head. She sighed with relief, but also disappointment. It would have been nice to see him get up, walk, or speak to her even if he would take her life when he woke at least she'd leave this world in some sort of interesting way.

Lily replaced his head in her lap, and carefully drew back an eyelid to examine the iris. His eyes were golden and where she half expected to find the vertical pupil of a cat, she found the normal round one of a human's. In this gold ring she found small marks of a paler color that was almost orange and the entire orb framed in a dark yellow ring. If she leaned to one side or tilted her head his eye would reflect like a cats in a metallic blue shade, pale, yet bright.

She finely closed his eyes again and kissed his widows peak as she turned back to the TV and began watching another movie this time it was "Moulin Rouge". The film went on with the sad but amazing tale yet unbeknownst to Lily, beneath the arm draped across his collarbone, her pet drew his first breath.

(Yeah my chapters are short. Eh, I don't really care.)


	3. Leather Bashing

(I just remembered I have a fan fiction going. Thought I might finish it for you my readers. I lurv you all very much you know… maybe I'll make it up to every body who reads this with one free back massage….)

Lily had been finishing the tale end of one of her favorite shows. CSI just finished with its usual final thought they left your brain foggy for just a few seconds as the credits rolled, when she felt the chest beneath her palm rise then fall. Her head instantly snapped in the direction of her lovely man-vamp-pet (say that three times fast).

As usual, she had his head balanced in her lap the rest of his body stretched out along the couch until his long legs were forced to hang over the arm. She had his hair combed out over the edge of her seat; random braids had began to appear ever since she had gotten bored and began twisting the hair into random little designs.

Watching him far more closely now she watched as he drew a ragged breath between his parted black lips, causing his broad chest to rise beneath her palm. As he exhaled he began to suck in another breath and she had never been more enthralled by such a common sight. So he could convert oxygen into carbon dioxide, she did it all the time! Save for those brief occasions when she was bored and stared at her watch to see how long she could hold her breath.

But when he took breath between those dark lips it was so much more beautiful; first the intake of breath, then the shifting of muscle beneath ivory flesh as his lungs expanded and filled with air. Finally, the air escaped his lungs in the same manner that they had entered. There were brief pauses between his breaths but other than they he had the normal appearance of a breathing human.

So enthralled was she by his body's natural operation she did not realize how close she had drawn to his body. She rested her ear flat to his pectoral to listen for a heartbeat; the action of bending forwards over him caused his face to be planted between her breasts. She gave a faint giggle when she heard the beating of his heart and felt the tickle of his face in such an area. She drew back and smacked him in the shoulder.

"None of that pet," she said this as though she were scolding a puppy, "there will be no 'feeling up' the master. Well, maybe if I'm feeling generous you can cop a feel once in a while…" She gave him the usual kiss upon the brow as reward then resumed playing with his hair.

She was beginning to realize that as time passed more of his body functions were 'starting up' and for brief periods she often wondered if all of him was functional. Since he was a vampire he may need more blood to operate certain limbs and this led her to thinking about him fully nude. Before he was just a doll. Now he was beginning to fall into place as a possible new toy. Her fingers walked themselves down from his shoulder between rows of taut muscle until she reached the ties of his leather pants. She hesitated. It wasn't as though she had never seen a man naked before. A nudist lived in the next building over who often sought to use his thigh master in front of his windows despite many a number of complaints. At least he was in good shape, though nothing compared to her dear doll.

Lily began to trace her forefinger around his navel before leaning forwards over him once again to press a soft kiss to his navel then trace her tongue around the soft flesh ring. She bit her lower lip, his skin tasted like salt from sweat and something else she did not recognize. Shifting now to turn his head out of her cleavage she pressed her hand over the mound of flesh in his leather restrains.

'Won't hurt to have a quick peak' she thoughtfully decided.

'Just to make sure he's healthy' she was convincing her self now as she began to undo the knots keeping his pants sealed.

Once loose she got up and gently laid his head on a pillow. She moved to kneel on the floor beside the couch and began to tug at the black leather. Inch by painful inch they slid down over his hips until she could see the twin indentations just about his hips that she had so affectionately named "Love Grooves". (Or more commonly know to my closest friend as "THE THINGS!!" followed by a girlish squeal.) She ran her fingers among these having yet to seize marveling at the softness of his skin especially since she was convinced that all men were supposed to feel like sand paper due to their excessive body hair. Her per on the other hand lacked body hair with the exception for that on his head. She wondered why he would take the time to shave that much or were his genetics just weird?

Hooking her fingers into his pants she began to pull them down over her lovely pet's hips and began to get aggravated when they didn't seem to want to come off. She suddenly began to hate leather a great deal while pulling at his pants with all her might and unfortunately pulled him off the couch where he landed in a heap on the floor. She shouted out her aggravation in the form of an 'f' sound followed closely by an 'uck' sound.

Quickly getting to her feet and jumping over the back of the couch she went to her small kitchen and pulled a steak knife from the silverware drawer. Dodging Sephy on her way back she turned the vampire over onto his back and straddled his thighs, lifting the pants up off his hips enough to drive the steak knife through it without hurting his nether region. She sawed at the pants until she decided they had become loose enough and tore them down his legs after setting the knife aside, via stabbing it into the coffee table. She threw his pants elsewhere to be mended later and looked down at him. She beheld her now nearly naked pet and squealed in girlish delight at the sight of him. Full and thick and certainly a healthy boy. Now in an admiral position, there was only one thing left to do: Make sure her new toy was fully functional.

(Just want to thank my best bud and reviewer "Lahara" for the encouragement on this one. Both of you get back massages now. breaks out the oil)


	4. Important AN!

**Crap guys I didn't know you oculdnt put direct links into stories! I tried to fix it. if it really doenst work feel free to E-Mail me for the link or IM me on AIM the SN is Hybrid45678**

I have written chapter 4 to, "There's a Vampire in my Bathroom" but it contains graphic content. If you'd like to read it, it will be posted on " adult fan fiction .net " and there is a link below for those of you interested. Thanks I love ya.

http:// games. Adult fan story. Php ?no 600081598

( I put spaces in the web address because I think it will post this way. . . . T.T so yeah…)


	5. Authors Note 2

This work of fiction is being discontinued

This work of fiction is being discontinued. Ran out of inspiration. Sorry guys.

I'm working on rewriting this however, and making it a little more interesting instead of some boring drabble.


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